Assassin's Liege by A Lonergan

Author:A Lonergan
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Published: 2020-06-26T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter Twenty-Five

Willow

“You don’t have to hide your emotions from me.” Balam finally said after three days of torturous silence. I breathed a sigh of relief that there was no animosity in his voice. The men I had worked with when I was in Arinal had hated any kind of emotion. I had learned fast after I had been knocked off of my feet the first time. Any sign of emotion was weakness to them. They told me they would give me something to cry about if I ever did it again. I only did it once and I learned my lesson. I had bruises on my legs for weeks. My mother had tried to comfort me but it was never enough. We were both too afraid of the punishment that would come from compassion.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Oh, but I did. Every night after dinner, I unrolled my sleeping palette and cried myself to sleep. I didn’t know if it was because I felt so alone or because my heart hurt too bad. I couldn’t even tell if I was more heartbroken because Nico had left or Cal. Even though Nico got on my nerves and we bickered, I cared for him deeply. Cal had broken our courtship but we had too much history for him to just dump me in the woods, right?

“You can’t play stupid with me,” Balam said as we followed the fading tracks of the army. “The whole forest has heard your cries every night and even if they weren’t very loud, but they are, your grief is coming off of you and choking me.”

I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around myself. “I don’t know what to do. I wasn’t built for these emotions. I have never felt abandoned before.”

“Eventually those emotions will make you stronger,” Balam said gruffly.

“What about now? What if I want to be stronger now? I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

Balam sucked his bottom lip into his mouth. “I wish I could say something that would heal you or help you, but I can tell you this. You have to let it out. Every single feeling, every single tear. If you don’t it will warp you into a monster. Your magic will change and then your mind with it.”

I nodded my head. “Why do you think they still care about me?”

Balam stopped walking and turned to me. He placed his large hands on either side of my face. “I don’t know why they didn’t come back, maybe they did or maybe they couldn’t. But I know Nico was pissed about going and Cal was heartbroken. I can’t speak for their actions but I will hold them still while you throw knives at them if you’d like.”

“What if I miss them and hit you?” I raised an eyebrow and stared into his orange eyes.

“You never miss.” The corner of his mouth quirked up. “I know that for a fact.”

That night my emotions were easier to control.

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